Celebration

The photo above is of Fred an Becky.  At least, those the Western names that they go by.  Fred is a colleague and friend.  His wife is a marketing executive at a local bank.  His true given name is LiMing.  I'm ashamed to say that I do not know the true given name of his wife.  I'm not sure I've ever been told.  So it goes.  Young Chinese professionals who do business with Westerners use a Western name because they know that Westerners can't remember Chinese names.  It's a gesture of kindness on their part to save us from embarrassment.

As a side note, Chinese names are actually very intriguing and often things of great beauty. "LiMing", for example, translates as "the dawn".  Maybe we can discuss names further in another posting.

Fred and Becky welcomed their first baby, a boy, back in mid-May.  As is tradition in Suzhou, they held a double-month celebration in mid-July to celebrate and to officially introduce the baby to the outside world.  The happy parents (and grandparents) hosted about 80 to 100 of their family and friends at a local restaurant.  Theresa and I sat with a table of co-workers, most of them people who work directly under Fred.  When we arrived, already placed upon the table were the  bottles of soda, beer, and wine.  Also there were bright-red packages of ZhongHua cigarettes.  (You know it's a big-deal celebration when the ZhongHua are out.)  Massive amounts of very good food soon came as well.

The coming-out-party for a baby is a big deal and is wrapped in layer upon layer of tradition.   The timing of the celebration varies from place to place.  In most of China, I understand, it should be celebrated at the end of the first full lunar month.  In Suzhou, the tradition is two months.  In other places, I hear, the tradition is to celebrate after 100 days.  Regardless, the tradition is to delay the celebration until long enough after the birth that one is confident that the baby (and mother) will survive.  Also, the tradition is for the grandparents take over the household and care for the newborn during the first month while the mother recovers.  This is called the "confinement period"...and the coming out party also marks the end of that.

Theresa and I had met the grandparents last year, when we took a trip together to Hainan.  (We are closer to them in both age and life-situation than we are to their children.)  The coming of the baby is, without doubt, the most happy thing that has happened to them.  Both Fred and his wife are "only childs".  So their new baby boy is the first (and maybe only) grandchild for both his and her parents.  Such are the mathematics of the one-child policy. 

When we saw the grandparents at the restaurant they were glowing.  Ecstatic would be and understatement.  They were enraptured.  Both sets of parents have been taking care of the baby since it's birth.  I don't think Fred has gotten to change a diaper yet.  I'm not sure he ever will.

In today's China, it is normal for the grandparents to move in and act as the primary caregivers for their grandchildren.  Or if not normal, it is the ideal.  The perfect life-trajectory for parents is as follows:  raise your kids and feed them well and make them study hard in school and after 12 years of hard work hope they score well on the Gao Kao exams and to get into a good university and then secure respectable and well-paying employment.  Somewhere along the way,  (at any time for the male but before the female is 30) negotiate a suitable marriage to worthy spouse who also brings solid income and family to the partnership.  After the marriage, allow 12 to 24 months for the baby to come.  Then, throw your entire life....your time, your assets, your entire savings...into the family of your children and the raising of the new grandchild.

That's the ideal.   But the realities of life spoil the dreams of many.  Not all children score well and get into university.  Not all children secure well-paying jobs after university.  And most serious of all,  not all couples are able to conceive and not all conceptions result in healthy children.  Life in China poses the same risks as for any human being in any part of the world.  But I think here, it is more complicated by the fact that each generation is so totally invested the generation that follows. 

The lady beside Theresa in the photo above is Yao Jing.  One day at work, at the lunch table, she got caught up in an animated discussion with some other men at the table.  When I asked her what the argument was over, the all broke from Chinese to English to explain that they were debating the proper foods for a woman to eat after a baby comes....during the confinement period.  She was arguing for pigeons and fish.  Pigeons because they are a "hot" food ....hot as in Yang ....and in Yin-Yang.  Evidently, the childbirth process severely depletes the Yang and the confinement period is all about replenishing it.  The others were arguing for soups and dishes heavy with ginger.

 The fish, they all agreed, is good  to help make the mother's milk.  But they argued about which type of fish is most effective.  (When the Chinese argue about food, it reminds me so, so much of the French.  Both can debate for hours.) 

At the end of the meal, each guest was given a little gift box which contained "the eggs".   You see, the tradition is for the father to pass out little gift boxes to announce the birth of the baby.  But there are no cigars involved.  The traditional gift is one of eggs - an odd number of eggs to announce the birth or a girl and an even number for a boy.  The photo above shows the little gift box we received.  The red package, at left, is the typical hard-boiled-hermetically-sealed-egg that one gets in a birth package.  Above it, to make the even number of two,  is yellow plastic egg containing sweets... a modern twist on the old tradition.   The box also included a package of cookies (at right) and some chocolate kisses.

In the time I've been in Suzhou, I've received at least 10 or 12 boxes of eggs from co-workers announcing a birth.  In most cases, I have no idea who has had the baby.  The little boxes just show up on my desk and all other desks around me.  So clueless I am.